my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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