you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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