I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
