she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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