Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
