Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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