It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
