Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
