what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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