I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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