"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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