normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
