Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
