He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it was like his penis was on wheels.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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