His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
