he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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