where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so let's talk penis.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
