So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got inside last night via doggy door
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
