Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize