I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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