Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
