i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
