I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
