Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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