can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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