By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
