Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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