Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
