OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize