i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
