Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
