My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
