she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
