I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We got so high we made milksteak
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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