I'm going to rape someone's good day.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
