thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
