That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize