Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
