im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my phone needs a breathalizer
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
