guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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