Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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