Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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