I'm lost and stupid without you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I want is dick and wine.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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