winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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