You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
