So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your penis caused this!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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