I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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