I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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