Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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