Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dignity is for republicans.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
