I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
