youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
