so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
