if i can run in heels then i can drive
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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