my being single is dangerous.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
