I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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