She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
