I want to make a zoo with you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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