chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
