Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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