I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
