Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
