Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
