ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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