i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
