why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
