NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
