Swine flu. Run for my life!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
