whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
